The family has an identity, norms, rules and values that are specific for that family. Part of that identity is inherited from one generation to the other, another part is imposed through the alpha principal.
The most dominant family member colors the identity, often one of the parents and sometimes the children.
The adolescent age serves to consciously define your own identity and here many things go wrong. People either reject completely the family values and end up naked or they live in symbiosis and do not know how to define themselves. A life long struggle with the family is born. If this happens the best way to act is take a distance from the family and start to investigate your values, distinguish who you are, what remains. Don't wait for your family to resolve this because that will never happen. The struggle will go on until you resolve it within yourself and this includes accepting the others just the way they are.
A confusing process, indeed.
But it is difficult to clean your shoes while you remain standing in the mud.
Therapy can be of enormous help to redefine your identity. From there you may start to contact the family again but with a different attitude, a different Self awareness but still the same person-
become your own alpha.
